Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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