We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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