Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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