well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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