just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
