can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
