a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize