What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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