You're completely useless in the revolution.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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