Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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