After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
