Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
