11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cockslap morals
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
