Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
