you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
