I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
