My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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