So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
