First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
