If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
