I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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