I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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