He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it because I queefed?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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