he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
