hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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