We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
