just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
