I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
