god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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