I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize