not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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