Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
