Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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