Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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