Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
