Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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