Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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