This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
