FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
