Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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