but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
