we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
