I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Someone shit on the floor
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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