i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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