we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
