she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
