did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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