What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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