Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
