I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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