my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize