I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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