Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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