Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love you. Go after that dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
