Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
