oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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