my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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