I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
