It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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