So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he fucked my hip out of place.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
