I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
