I cannot find my penis.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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