I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
