well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
